


Ocean Eyes

by delightfulmania



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcoholic Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Artist Steve Rogers, Awkward Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Coffee Addict Tony Stark, College, College AU, Drinking, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Group Therapy, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Kidnapping, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Steve Rogers, POV Tony Stark, Party, Past Kidnapping, Past Torture, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Pining, Protective Pepper Potts, Recovery, Stony - Freeform, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Therapy, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, not actually in the fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 22:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16627229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightfulmania/pseuds/delightfulmania
Summary: Tony is struggling with life in college after he was kidnapped a year prior, so Pepper, being her usual motherly self, sends him to a group therapy session. He meets Bucky and is introduced to Steve who Tony had been watching draw at the cafe he works at for ages. Tony finds his crush growing, wanting the blue-eyed boy to be with him forever. They aren't the best at talking about things.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working a ton on this so I hope you enjoy! I'm already in the process of writing the next chapter, so don't worry, it'll be out soon :)

Tony quietly watched from the counter as the tall blond man in the corner drew, staring out the window at the sunny day outside, the hint of a smile on his face. That was the first time Tony realized he might have a crush on him. As he watched the winter sun danced across his admittedly perfect face, and the focus in his eyes that was visible even from across the cafe. Those eyes, Tony loved to stare into them and smile when he came up to order. He hadn’t meant for this to happen when he had gotten the job at the small coffee shop on campus, he had just wanted something to do with his time. Something that was more healthy than his usual unhealthy coping mechanisms. He may be Tony Stark, but he liked to keep that down. Aside from his brilliance, he was just a normal kid. A normal 19-year-old trying to get through college. To be fair, it was mostly due to Pepper and Rhodey’s push that he got the job, instead of sitting in his dorm room with a bottle of whiskey.

That was a separate issue, however. His current issue was the beautiful tall probably-art-major sitting across the room from him, who really needed to stop looking so damn good. It wasn’t only at the cafe that Tony saw him, he also happened to be in the same dorm hall as him, only a few rooms down. They rarely ran into each other, though. Their schedules seemed to be complete opposites from one another. So here Tony was, standing at the counter, watching him draw away the early morning, his heart aching and his soul wishing for more. As he tended to other customers, he kept an eye on the man until he left, and he felt his heart pull as he exited, but quietly went back to his work.

That night he sat in his room, finished all of his work, and daydreamed of the art guy, which he had begun to refer to him in his head as. Of course, he also had a bottle in his hand, because otherwise, the thoughts would catch up to him. Technically he was supposed to be at home right now, as today was the end of their first semester of the year, but he liked to stay in his dorm over the short break. His home was too rough, and he could just as well visit tomorrow. He knew that he probably wouldn’t, but in his mind, he made the resolution to at least call his mother. As he programmed his newest project on his floor, he heard a knock at his door.

“Tony? I’m coming in, if you’re indecent I don’t care I’ve seen most of you at this point.” Came the female voice, and Tony looked up to see Pepper enter the room.

“Tony! Why are you drinking, we’ve been over this. I thought everything was going well?” She said, voice a mix of vague anger and concern.

“Nothing can ever truly be going well unless I’m somewhat inebriated.” He said, groaning as she pulled the bottle away from him, and he went back to trying to create an AI that would maybe help him deal with all of this. 

“Hey, hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” She said, pulling his face back to look at her, and he reluctantly met her eyes. “Flashbacks again?”

“Yeah, not too bad but, y’know” He gestured to the bottle, “bad enough.”  
Almost everyone knew about what he had gone through a year ago, but nobody really understood. Pepper, for the most part, understood the most, but even then. Nobody had been kidnapped and tortured for three months because of their father’s wealth. Nobody had their Father sacrifice his only son because he didn’t feel like paying the ransom. In any case, they underestimated how smart he was. He had escaped, but it had taken long enough that he was permanently traumatized. Well, that was what his school-assigned therapist had said. His dad had essentially told him to suck it up. 

The only thing that rivaled how bad that whole experience had been was that everyone knew. He hated it. He hated the sympathetic glances or the weird stares, the way everyone treated awkwardly when he went back to school. The way when he broke down in class and left nobody said anything, just stared. He had been disconnected from the world around him.

Except for Pepper and Rhodey. They just tried to help, and they knew pretty well what he had been through, more than even his parents. Which was no surprise, of course, because they had barely managed to be happy when he came back. He was an annoyance to them, and they wouldn’t have cared if he hadn’t come back. Nobody would have cared about Tony, the spoiled brat who didn’t know how to make friends. At least that was what he thought every day when he struggled with even the most basic interactions.

“It’s been a year, you know? A year since I came back. I should be over this by now Pepper.” He said, staring back at the ground and wrapping his arms around himself.

“Tony it’s not just going to go away because it’s been a year. You were tortured, and you don’t cut yourself enough slack for that. You’re still alive and working away at college, you barely took any time off from school, and you just keep going. You’re so strong, but you need to take care of yourself and let yourself have time to deal.” She was sitting next to him now, on the floor, and had taken his hand into hers.

Pepper was also sympathetic, but it never bothered him. She always seemed so genuine, and she was hard on him when he needed it. That’s why he kept her around, because she helped. That and he liked her, and she was about all he had other than Rhodey. 

“You wanna see what I’m working on?” He said quietly, ignoring the tears that stung at his eyes as he accepted her hug and leaned into her chest, placing his forehead against her shoulder.

“Of course Tony, let’s see it.”

They spent the night messing around with the AI Tony was creating, and Tony felt somewhat okay as he sobered up, sitting next to Pepper. He may have also told her about the art guy, and she had (gently) laughed at him.

The next day he went back to work and was sad to see that art guy didn’t come in at all. It was quiet, would be for the next while as most people had gone home for the break and wouldn’t be back for a bit until the next semester started. It also happened to be Christmas time, which contributed to people going home. He would probably go home Christmas day if nothing but to see Jarvis and maybe his mom. They were having a party, and he might go to that if he was allowed to after last years fiasco. Then again, that had been right after he had escaped, and he was better now. At least he liked to think that. 

The day dragged on, and he worked hard. It kept his mind off everything to keep busy, and although he’d never admit it to his friends, he was thankful they had gotten him this job. Pepper came in at one point to say goodbye before heading home to her family, and Rhodey was already gone. He couldn’t wait until they got back, he was never okay on his own.

He was sitting up the next night, vaguely tired because he really hadn’t slept in a few days, instead, he was running on coffee and an energy drink here and there, which he only was allowed to do because Pepper wasn’t there to keep an eye on him. He had been programming since he got off work, working away at the AI he was focused on. Currently, he was debugging the hundreds of errors that had popped up since his last manic typing-of-code session. That was when it hit him.

Suddenly he wasn’t in his dorm room, he was in a dark and decrepit warehouse, strapped down to a metal table. He was screaming, his lungs aching from the prolonged use, as he shouted for help. Deep down he remembered the feeling of knowing it wouldn’t come. Knowing he was stranded and alone, that his screams were for nothing. The scene played out before him, the pain as they sliced across his skin, as they injected him with various drugs. Then, then they asked him to work for them.

They knew he was brilliant, everyone did, Admitted to MIT at 15, of course he was. They didn’t know how stubborn he was, though. So each time he refused, each time he lashed out, each time he fought back, the pain came back. Sometimes it was water, sometimes it was knives, sometimes it was strange, experimental drugs injected into his veins, that left him screaming. After the first day, it was never loud screams. Some days there was no sound, his body worn out and giving up. Most days it was horse whispers, as he wished, hoped, even prayed to be let free of his own personal hell. It never came.

As the scene ended he was back in his dorm room, sitting in front of his computer. His hands shook, and sweat dripped down his face. There were tears in his eyes as he quietly crawled into his bed, curling up under the covers and closing his eyes as he shook. He didn’t sleep, simply lay there, unable to move, for hours on end. When he finally found himself again, when the lead that filled his soul lightened and he could finally get up, leave his bed, stand and stretch his aching limbs. He looked outside, seeing the sun had risen, and realized that an entire day had passed since he’d been at work. Luckily enough for him, he didn’t work today. So he found his stash of energy drinks, chugged two, and went back to work at his computer, focusing as hard as he could so to avoid the memories that tugged at the edges of his mind.

It was later that day, sometime around 6:00 pm when he realized that he was unfit to work, unfit to function properly as a human being, and requested his vacation time for the next two weeks. Until the end of the Christmas holidays, he wouldn’t have to work. For better or for worse, he’d be in his room probably until class started again.

It wasn’t until Christmas, a few days later, that Tony properly interacted with someone. One call to wish his family Merry Christmas. That was that, barely a response and no complaint of his absence, no comment on his quiet demeanor and sullen nature as he quietly hoped they would be alright without him. With that done, he went back to his schedule, which was filled with one label. Sit and program and try not to think too much. He didn’t have any other way, he drank his entire stash of energy drinks and was forced back to the instant coffee he had stockpiled after he had run out last time. He didn’t like it very much, but it was all he had. He didn’t dare to face the outside world, even the small feat of walking through the halls to go back and forth from the bathroom, which was decidedly too far away, needed preparation to get through. He was terrified each time he stepped out of the safety of his dorm, where he was hidden. Inconsequential. Unnoticed by the world outside.

The flashbacks got worse the more he thought about things, and the more flashbacks he had, the more he thought. He no longer had any alcohol and so he was essentially doomed, Stuck in an endless loop with no way of getting out.

That was where Pepper found him a week later, after coming back from her home and going to check on him. Sitting in a pile of cans and dirty mugs, in front of his computer, having slept a few hours at most, and the list went on. It was one of the worst states she had seen him in, and a deep pang of guilt for leaving him alone swept through her body. She knew he wasn’t her responsibility but even then, she felt responsible.

“Hi Pepper” He mumbled as she stepped in, not looking up from where he was frantically typing, his eyes bloodshot and his entire body shaking. He looked frail and weak, ¾’s of the way to passing out, and she silently thanked whatever higher power existed that she had gotten to him in time.

“Oh Tony, Tony, what happened dear?” Her voice was pure compassion as she sat down on the ground and pulled him into an embrace, closing the laptop and pulling the man into her lap, holding him and playing with his hair.

He let himself be pulled towards her, too frail and weak to do anything else, both physically and emotionally.

“It got bad again Pep, it got bad” He whispered, tears biting at his eyes and trailing down his cheeks, following the path of many that had been there previously. 

There he sat, Pepper, holding him tightly and thinking through options, Tony gently crying into her sweater, curled up against her. After Tony had stopped crying, Pepper sat him up and looked into his eyes.

“We’re making sure you get better again okay?” She spoke softly, looking into his eyes, “Right now we’re going to make sure your basic needs are taken care of though, alright?”

He nodded, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his long t-shirt, a coffee spill-stained shirt that needed to be washed.

“First let’s get you showered, okay? You go shower, and I’ll start cleaning up your room, and I’ll get you some water and food. If you take more than ten minutes I’m coming in though.” She said, stern yet lovingly as she helped him stand up and walk to the showers, grabbing his towel from his closet.

The shower wasn’t fun. After being waterboarded while in captivity, showering had sort of lost its appeal. Yet he made it through it, made sure the water was warm before he even stepped into the stream of droplets. When he did, he focused on Pepper waiting for him, focused on his caring embrace and not the memories that fought for control of his mind, that fought to be the primary image in his broken brain. He thought that even if he did collapse, if something happened, Pepper would come to get him and it would be okay. He would be okay. Pepper was here now and he would be okay.

He didn’t spend long in the shower, quickly washed his hair, rinsed himself off, and turned it off. He felt faint as he dried his body with his towel, before wrapping himself in it and quickly walking back to his room.

When he got back his room was surprisingly clean, considering Pepper had only had a little bit of time to clean it, and he had created quite the disaster.

“Oh good! You’re back!” She said, smiling a gentle smile at him as she picked up folded clothes off of his bed, “Here you go, so you don’t have to get back into those dirty clothes.”

He quickly changed, not caring that he was in the same room as Pepper, who was too busy tidying up to notice. He sat down on his freshly made bed and noticed she had all of his energy-supplying instant coffee packs in a garbage bag.

“Why are you taking my life force away?” He said, the slight quirk of his lip showing that her presence was beginning to bring his old self back, the hint of sarcasm in his words accompanying it.

“You need to actually sleep, my dear, and not just rely on caffeine to keep yourself awake,” She said, finishing up her tidying and smiling at him, happy to see his old self returning.

“Fiiiiine,” He said, smiling fully now as he sat cross-legged, letting the warmth of her motherly-love wash over his cold, cold body. 

“We’re going to go get some food now, okay? Where do you want to go?” She walked over and sat beside him, smiling as he rested his head on her shoulder.

“Outside is scary. We should stay here, not leave.” He said, his body tensing up at the mention of leaving his safe space.

“C’mon Tony, you can’t stay here forever. We’re going to get you out in the world so you can see it isn’t so bad. Exposure therapy and all?” 

“I need actual therapy,” He said, groaning as she pulled him up to standing and started towards the door, “but fine, let’s go to that little Italian restaurant near here okay? I like them. They’re nice.” 

“Let’ go!” She said enthusiastically, pulling him out the door.

They got there quickly, after an anxious walk filled with flinches at the slightest sound, sudden surveying of their surroundings, and Tony clinging to Pepper. As they arrived and entered the building, his senses were quickly flooded with the smell of food, soft Italian music, and the dull hum of conversation that spread through the tiny restaurant. At first, it was overwhelming, but as he adjusted to his new surroundings, he found them comfortable and happy. Pepper quickly got them a table, and as they sat down, Tony looked around them, smiling, wondering how his day got better so quickly. He knew it wouldn’t be good forever, and he had a long way to go, but at this moment things were okay.

They get their food after a small wait, Tony eating slowly, in small bites, his body re-adjusting to eating food, and as they sat waiting for the receipt to come, Pepper pulled out her phone.

“I found something for you!” She said eagerly, tapping away at the screen for a few moments before turning it to show him, “Our school runs a group therapy session for victims of trauma, it’s open to everyone, and there’s a meeting tomorrow. You’re going.” She finished firmly.

“Wha- No?” He spoke, suddenly being shaken out of the pleasant haze he had fallen into as they ate, and taking in the far too brightly coloured poster that Pepper had brought up on her phone, “I know I said I needed actual therapy, but that was a joke. I don’t need to go sit in a circle and listen to sob stories for two hours.” 

“Tony, to be fair, you yourself have a “sob story” and it’ll help okay? Maybe you need to realize that this isn’t just going to go away, you need to get help. Maybe being around other people like yourself will help you to let yourself get help.” She spoke softly, gently, yet with a firm intonation that resonated within Tony’s mind.  
“I’ll go to one meeting, okay? One.” He said reluctantly, hesitant with each syllable as he began to dread the coming day, even though in his heart he knew he did need something. 

He just didn’t want this to be it.

“Thank you, Tony. I’ll be there at 2:45 pm to bring you to the 3:00 pm meeting okay? I’ll take you there, so you don’t have to walk alone.” She reached out across the table and held his hands in hers, drawing her thumb across his palm, back and forth.

“Thanks, Pep.” He spoke softly, but he felt like not speaking at all.

They left the restaurant, and when they arrived at his dorm she made sure he was in bed before she left, taking the bag of caffeine with her. He actually slept, too weak to resist the lure of finally resting, and for once the nightmares left him be. 

The next morning he awoke around 12, and groggily dragged himself out of bed, sighing as he remembered his obligation for the day, and turned his computer on. Although the thoughts were lesser now that the endless cycle had finally been broken, he still couldn’t bear to do anything other than code in his free time, no other coping mechanisms have ever worked for him as he drifted through the world post-kidnapping. He was still working on the same AI, and as he approached finality, he finally tested it out. 

“Jarvis?” He spoke, feeling a bit silly speaking into the empty dorm room.

“Yes sir, how can I help?” the computer played out, using the audio clips he had taken from his homes security footage, from the real Edwin Jarvis speaking.

He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the pile of code he had created, and realized he had essentially created life. He looked at the time, and saw that it was nearing the time Pepper would show up, and noticed he still needed to get dressed.

“I have to go now Jarvis, but I’ll be back. Goodbye for now!” He spoke into the microphone he had hooked up to his laptop.

“Goodbye Sir, nice to meet you!” The British AI returned, and Tony grinned from ear to ear as he shut his laptop.

Half an hour later he was standing outside the door to the help group, next to Pepper, and very distinctly not smiling.

“Do I have to?” He whispered, his shaking hands held together as he nervously eyed the slightly open door, covered in posters for various groups and counseling services. 

“C’mon Tony, it’ll be okay. I’ll be here when it’s over, but you need to face this on your own, okay? Goodbye.” She quickly hugged him, and as he contemplated just running away, she pushed him into the door.

Then he was standing awkwardly in front of the door, so he pushed it open and took a step in. It was very anticlimactic, as he surveyed the room, he simply saw a room full of bean bag chairs and people sitting in a circle in them or on the floor, and an older man at the front in a small chair. The group was six or so people, all sitting awkwardly spread out around the circle. His eye was immediately drawn to a guy sitting in the corner, who, from what Tony could tell, had a metal arm. He sat down next to the long-haired guy and began trying to, from a distance, discover how it worked.

“You know it’s not nice to stare,” The metal-armed guy said, self-consciously tucking his arm into his other, and watching as Tony’s eyes widened as it moved.

“That is so cool!” Tony spoke, then remembering the comment, mentioned “Sorry” quietly, before continuing into “How does it work? Is it robotics? That’s some cool tech” 

“So… you don’t care about it being weird that I, you know, have a metal arm? No “What happened to your arm?” He seemed confused, and vaguely enthralled with the way Tony’s eyes lit up from their dull state when he watched the arm move.

“Right yeah, uh, normal human stuff. No. I just think prosthetics are cool and this is the coolest one I’ve ever seen.” Tony commented, as he curled back up into the bean bag and subsequently went back into his shell.

“You’re uh, you’re Tony Stark right?”

“Yeah” Tony sighed and ignored the blush that crept into his cheeks with self-consciousness.

“Oh, that’s cool. I’m Bucky” Bucky said, quickly trying to rectify the situation as he noticed the discomfort obvious in Tony’s body language.

“Hi. Your arm is cool.” Tony spoke, shortly, slightly smiling at the other man, happy to see that he was unbothered by his status. 

“Alright, guys, time to start!” The man at the front suddenly spoke, and the two quieted down, waiting for their turn to introduce themselves.

Tony found the whole thing rather uneventful, but it wasn’t… bad. He actually found himself enjoying the comfort he found in the mixed group, with other people who had experienced similar things, flashbacks, avoidance, anxiety. The whole shebang. He found out Bucky’s story, he had been taken from an orphanage and used to experiment tech on and had lost his arm when he tried to escape, so they replaced it with the one he had now (he felt a little guilty about asking about his arm now.) Tony decided that he was going to ask about how he felt about having an arm that was given to him by someone who had been very cruel and unkind to him and whether he’d like a new one or not. The worst part of the session was one conversation that had happened when he introduced himself.

“So I’m Tony, I uh, got kidnapped and torture-” He started.

“We know, we’ve seen the headlines.” Interrupted someone across the room, voice dripping with cruelty and mockery.

“Oh, uh..” Tony started, curling in on himself, his flight reflex screaming at him to run away, get out of here, escape this.

“Can’t you afford something better than this? Stupid rich boy.” The voice was back, and Tony was sick of it.

“I could if my parents actually cared enough about me to try and get me help,” He said, anger filling his bloodstream as he glared at the source of the mocking.

“Oh.” That shut him up, and he returned to his quiet staring around the room.

After that, he almost cried, which he hated, but Bucky noticed and gently reached his hand over to his and held it. It was a merely platonic gesture, simply brought on by the comfortable environment where something like that was okay, but it meant the world to Tony. He held onto the cool metal, and absentmindedly played with Bucky’s hand for the rest of the session.

Afterward, as everyone stood up and mingled around until the people they were leaving with arrived, he stood facing Bucky.

“Uh… thanks. For letting me hold your hand. That was really nice of you.” He says, anxiously scratching at his arm, and staring at the ground.

“No problem!” Bucky says, tucking his hair behind his ear and smiling a genuine smile.

“So uh, after hearing your story I thought “That really sucks that you have an arm given to you by someone so awful” and I was wondering if it’d be okay if I made you a new one?” It came out rushed and jumbled together, and he looked up to see his response and was met with a shocked face.

“We totally just met but like, I’d love to help out and it’d give me something to do” Tony continued, a little more confidently but the hint of anxiety in his voice gave away his insecurity.

“Really? You’d do that for me? I always thought you’d be a bit of a dick,” Tony responded to that by making a face at him, “you’re super cool though, and that would be great because honestly, I hate this thing.” He finished, gesturing to his metal arm with his flesh hand and smiling slightly.

“Well I can, in fact, be pretty cool, also I love that sort of thing so I’d be lucky to make you a new one!” He said, then thinking to the few days left of break, he spoke trying to sound neutral, although his hopes were high “Maybe we could go to the lab now if you’re not busy? So I could figure some things out and start on a prototype?”

“Yeah! I’d need to get Steve- He’s my roommate and best friend- first though? I kinda have this thing about going to places with new people” Bucky shrugged, but Tony could see the anxiety behind it.

“Yeah of course! I’d be bringing my friend Pepper- she’s fantastic you’ll like her- because I’m kinda the same.” He said quickly to heal his new friends' anxiety, “I’ll meet you at the north science building in a bit then?”

“Sounds good!” Bucky nodded, and they parted ways.


	2. Misunderstandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter out! Enjoy everyone <3

“Wait Steve is the art guy?” Tony said as he saw Bucky and the man who was supposedly Steve arrived at the building where he and Pepper were standing.

“Great first impression Tony,” Pepper said, and then continued on “Hi! I’m Pepper. I think me and Bucky had a class last year! Are you also an English major?” 

“Oh, yeah! That class was great.” He returned, smiling at the common interest, and they walked into the building together, continuing to chat about various classes.

“Hey, uh, I’m Tony” Tony introduced himself, walking behind Bucky and Pepper and next to Steve.

“Yeah you work at the cafe I always go to, I see you there all the time.” He smiled warmly, and Tony almost melted on the spot.

“Yeah! Sorry about calling you the art guy, I just always see you drawing and I didn’t know your name.” He smiled back as he fidgeted with his hands nervously, as they entered the room.  
“You noticed that I was drawing?” He said, blushing as he brushed the back of his neck, his smile turning slightly nervous.

“I notice lots about a beautiful guy like you” Tony spoke boldly, turning to Steve to smile at him, his award-winning grin, before turning back to see that they had arrived.

“Oh uh, thanks” Steve was now blushing and simultaneously grinning like an idiot, and Tony had to say, it was the best thing he’d seen in a while.

As they arrived, Tony went to one of the labs' computers, which he had hooked up to all the machines and general lab tech, and had also upgraded pretty much everything in his spare time (he had essentially claimed the lab as his at this point) and quickly transported the AI code from the USB in his pocket to the computer, and hooked it up to the rooms technology.

“Jarvis?” He spoke into the empty room, ignoring the odd looks from those accompanying him.

“All set to go, sir” Was the response, playing through the speaker that sat in the ceiling.

“Yes!” Tony exclaimed, gesturing with his hand as he pulled Bucky towards one of the machines in the middle of the room, and sitting Bucky down on a chair before pulling his arm across a table and pulling what looked like a projector on a moveable arm down from the ceiling.

“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt. Jarvis, scan?” He said, looking up at the ceiling, which earned a grin from Steve.

“Scanning” Came the voice, which even itself seemed amused, and after a few seconds the voice returned with “Scan complete, uploaded to your desktop.”

“Thanks, Jarvis!” He responded, smiling proudly at the success of his creations and running over to his computer.

“So you know all you need to about my arm now?” Bucky said as he took his arm back, looking rather suspicious.

“Generally, the materials, the makeup, the tech inside it. I made it a while ago so I didn’t have to take things completely apart when I wanted to figure them out. It’s like a fancy x-ray.” He said offhandedly, already focusing in on his computer and moving around the image, “I might still need to fiddle around with it a bit because I’m still working out the kinks of this whole thing, but yeah! If you wanna leave you can” He finished with, and even though he was staring at the computer the sadness at the concept of the two leaving was obvious in his voice.

“Nah I’ll stay if that’s okay with you Steve?” Bucky responded, gesturing to Pepper in reference to their previous conversation.  
“Yeah, of course!” Steve said, a little too enthusiastically, as he watched Tony type away at the computer with adoring eyes that nobody could deny.

“Alright, Steve” Bucky chuckled, before returning to his conversation with Pepper, discussing a book they had both read and hated.

Steve continued to watch Tony, occasionally asking questions about what he was doing, which Tony eagerly answered, giving Steve warm smiles, as he started developing a new blueprint for his redesign of the arm that would have more flexibility, be lighter, and maybe even had a computer built in that he could use to call for help if he needed it. It would be strong too because there was no doubt in his mind that having a strong metal arm would be amazing. He asked Bucky if he wanted extra features and Bucky just seemed to smile and shake his, saying something about how he just liked watching him and Steve work together. Steve had interrupted that to mention that maybe Bucky needed blasters in his hand, and Tony had quickly picked up on that until Pepper made it very clear that there were to be no hand-blasters, so he had instead decided on making it so the arm would be controlled by his brain waves. Steve seemed very interested in that, and after a long technical explanation that left him looking more confused than anything, he settled on just saying it would do what Bucky wanted like a normal arm.

They all spent the next few days before school started hanging out in the lab all the time, Tony gathering materials and beginning to work on his idea, Bucky and Pepper either reading or discussing books and tv shows, and Steve sitting near Tony, drawing, and sketching and occasionally asking questions about what Tony was doing.

Tony, being himself, of course, had read up on prosthetic technology, the most advanced methods of incorporating man-made tech into the human body, and the general ideas of biotech. He had, naturally, become an almost master of these ideas overnight and although he had been forced by Pepper to sleep at least occasionally, he thought he was doing pretty well. The arm was coming along well, he had ordered a bunch of materials and circuitry online, and was in the process of putting it together. At this point, he was using Steve’s help more than ever because although he was a genius, he had no idea how the human body worked. Steve, however, who had taken intensive anatomy lessons and knew everything about the human body (to be able to draw it, of course) was a great assistance in making the arm work in every way a normal arm would, with the fake muscles that were really just robotic parts and everything. They spent so much time working together they fell into an easy rhythm.

When school started they had less time to hang out, but they still did. The group of four would work on school work together in the lab, Tony had even invested in making a sort of living area in the center, with a sofa and a table and everything. Everything was going fine, of course, ignoring his crush.

Each day he found himself falling further for the blond-haired boy, wanting to kiss him and fall asleep next to him and the general mushy kind of thing Tony had no time for. He tried to keep himself in check, tried to keep his hopes low and not seem to much. Each time the four of them were together he would focus on Bucky’s new arm, working hard to build something perfect. But as he worked side by side with the man, he couldn’t help himself. Of course, he was flirty, but he was like that with everyone. He was Tony Stark for god’s sake, he was a playboy. Never had he fallen for someone like this, it had always been one night stands and short relationships that never went anywhere. Everything was always physical for him, and although this sure as hell was still physical it was also deeply emotional.

He liked Steve on a personal level. He liked his art and his smile and the way he would bring him coffee while he was working. He liked how his brain worked, how he would make everything he touched into art. He liked working with him, how they fit perfectly together, how Steve tried to understand everything even though he really didn’t. There were so many things that contributed to his emotions for the man. Sometimes while Steve wasn’t looking he would just stare at his blue eyes, thinking about how much they held and how he wished he could spend an eternity swimming in them. He memorized the patterns his face, the faint freckles that danced like galaxies across his cheeks, the slight bags under his eyes from staying up too late working on a painting, the way his cheeks turned the perfect hue of pink when he caught Tony staring and they would make eye contact for just a moment, before both would go back to their individual tasks, embarrassed.

Nobody could blame him for falling for any of that when it was all so perfect.

He even kept going to group therapy, mainly for Pepper, but also for Bucky so he wasn’t alone in the group. The two would bond over sharing what it had been like to come back from a completely different world, learning to live in a world that had no idea what it was like to be picked up and placed somewhere where each day was a living hell, and then just have to go back to normal. Once Tony had cried in front of Bucky, and from then on the two had been closer than ever. They trusted each other, not as much as he trusted Pepper, but they shared a different bond.

So he kept going, learning coping mechanisms, learning to be a normal person, ignoring the snide comments from the man across the circle who seemed to cope with his past abuse by being mean to everyone, which he could relate to. That was the only reason he didn’t punch him across his dumb face.

He worked, too, went back to work when he was supposed to and each day he’d see Steve, and they’d smile across the room at each other, and that was that. The moments in each day where a glimmer of hope appeared, and although he told himself it was just friendship, he couldn’t help but hope it meant something more.

Then came the party.

It was a Friday night about two weeks into the semester, and Pepper had been invited to a party thrown by someone who was apparently named Thor. An odd name, but he didn’t judge. This meant that all of them we’re going, naturally. Tony knew he shouldn’t go. He knew being surrounded by alcohol was never a good thing, and that if he fell into his old patterns he didn’t know how he’d get out this time. Pepper was getting tired, she had been so proud recently with his progress. Enough so that she was letting him come to this.

So they arrived, and after about an hour Pepper had found a girl named Natasha who she was currently making out with, Steve and Bucky had found somewhere to sit and draw and read, respectively, and Tony, well, Tony had found the alcohol. Which really hadn’t been hard, it was everywhere to be fair, and he was the son of an alcoholic. So he sat, and he drank, and he drank, and he drank.

It was an hour later when he found Steve. Hiccuping and stumbling across the party, he had spotted him drawing, and with his intoxicated brain denying all logic, the possibilities of this interaction going sideways, and he had drunkenly half fallen across the room into Steve’s lap. This, in addition to his shirtlessness due to a forgotten game of strip-poker, was enough to startle Steve immensely.

“H-ey Tony, what’s up?” He said awkwardly, blush rising in his cheeks.

“You’re prettyy” Tony said, finally sitting cross-legged in front of Steve, who was sitting against the wall.

“How much have you had to drink? Also, why are you shirtless?” Steve said, his blush intensifying as he tried to ignore the deep happiness he felt at being complimented by Tony.

“A lot? I dunno. I like your hair though” With that comment, Tony ran his fingers through Steve’s hair, and smiled brightly at the feeling. 

“Maybe we should get you home, okay? Get you some water.” Steve said, his instinctual caring nature kicking in watching as his friend hiccupped.

“I like you Steviee. Wanna kiss you.” He said, before passing out, and falling over onto the floor.

He woke up with a headache that felt like it was splitting his brain in half, and suddenly the light drifting in from his window was too bright. The dull snoring of a person- two people? In the empty bed across from him was too loud, and then after a second of thinking about this, he realized that there were other people in his room.

“Wha?” He said, sitting up far too fast and clutching his head, before looking over to the bed which was no longer empty and now contained two girls, one of which was definitely Pepper, and the other who was probably Natasha, judging by how the two had fallen asleep on top of each other.

He closed the blinds, wondering why they hadn’t been closed in the first place and sat down on his floor after grabbing an aspirin and a mug of coffee, quietly waiting for the two to wake up. Then memories from last night started to come back, and suddenly he was in emotional pain as well as the physical pain from his hangover.

He remembered drinking what was definitely far too much, which was his first mistake. He had ignored what they had taught him in the group, that you shouldn’t go back to old bad habits, and had dived straight for the alcohol. It wasn’t that he was being problematic, he just wanted to get drunk, fit in. He missed not having to think too much and overthink every little thing, he missed being trusting of people. So he drank, and there was the first mistake. The second was going to see Steve, which although he was drunk, he wished he’d had the common sense to avoid him when he couldn’t help but spill his heart to any stranger. Then came the most painful memory, telling Steve that he liked him and wanted to kiss him. 

He cursed himself quietly. What was he thinking? The answer, of course, was that he wasn’t at all. He was drunk. In case he had forgotten, he was now immensely aware of this fact. Drunk people don't think, and he had fallen into that category of reasons mistakes are made with this most recent one. He sat on the ground in misery, hoping that maybe, maybe this wouldn’t mess up his friendship with Steve. This was when he heard a noise.

“Tony?” Came Pepper’s voice, filled with the remains of sleep.

“You guys better not have had sex in my bed.” He grumbled, jealous of Pepper’s success with finding a partner for the night.

This caused her to laugh, which woke up Natasha who, in a sleep filled haze, shoved Pepper off of her on to the ground. Pepper, instinctually, latched onto Natasha as she fell, which meant that both of them fell off the bed and started laughing, as Tony watched from his domain of sadness.

“Why are you in my room.” He said, with the same grumbling tone as the previous statement.

“Well, Tony” Pepper started while yawning, “We had to drag you home because you passed out in front of Steve, and Steve had to come to find me to get you off the floor and get you home.”

“Steve? Did he say anything?” Tony perked up, head popping up at the mention of his source of sadness.

“Not, really, no?” Pepper responded, giving him a questioning look.

“I’m going back to bed,” Tony said, and stood up and started to cross the room before Pepper stopped him.

“Hun, what’s wrong?” Suddenly Pepper was filled with concern as she finally woke up enough to see that he seemed unreasonably upset.

“I got drunk and made bad decisions, and then passed out, what else is new.” He spoke, pushing past Pepper to sit on the side of his bed, glancing briefly at the awkward looking red-haired girl half sitting up on his spare bed.

“Oh Tony, did you confess your feelings to Steve?” She said the sympathetic tone he knew so well appearing in her voice, as she sat beside Natasha to face him. 

“Yes, and now I hate existing because I’ve probably fucked up one, if not two, of the best friendships I have. So I’m going back to bed.” He slipped under the covers and made a point of turning on his side facing the wall, away from Pepper.

He was sulking, he knew he was, and he knew Pepper refused to deal with him when he was sulking, so when her voice came again, in a mournful tone, he wasn’t surprised with what it was saying.

“Tash and I are going to go get breakfast, I hope you feel better Tony” With that, he heard the door open and close, and he groaned out loud.

So there he lay, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the floor to open up and swallow him whole, and put him out of his misery. He knew he was sulking, he did it far too often to be fair, but he didn’t want to function. However, thinking back to his group sessions, to all he had been taught, he sighed and got out of bed. Key point number 2: don’t wallow in your sadness. Get up and do something. So he did, he got up, went down to the lab, and continued working on Bucky’s arm. He was almost done, which meant the work was all very finishing details, which meant the difficult parts. The parts he would have loved to have Steve there for. He didn’t want to think about that, however, so he put all his thought into the finishing touches of the arm. Working on the parts that would be inserted into his shoulder, where the previous arm had been worked into Bucky’s body. He hoped, deep down, that what had happened the previous night wouldn’t affect him and Bucky, because he really enjoyed having someone who understood. It made him feel better about his experiences.

He went to work that night, sitting in the cafe and serving people their drinks, cashing people through, ignoring everything on his mind. Ignoring the pang that echoed through his body as he realized, while closing, that Steve hadn’t come in even when he usually did. Steve, he thought, had figured out his schedule after they became friends because he always came in when Tony was in, and his coworkers had noticed too. He figured it was just him being friendly, and feeling comfortable with someone he knew. This was the first time he hadn’t seen him during his shift, and his heart ached and his stomach tossed, both of which he desperately tried to ignore.

The next day, a Sunday, he found himself sitting in the lab the whole day, and around the middle of the day, he heard a knock at the door.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?” Came the voice, and he immediately recognized it as Bucky.

“Hey Bucky, come on in,” He said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice and mind that this would be a confrontation, and instead hope this meant that things between him and Bucky were all good.

“Hey, Tony! How goes the arm?” He said, walking in casually, relief flooding Tony’s body as he came to the conclusion this was just a normal visit.

“It’s actually pretty much done!” He said eagerly, picking up the model he had created to show Bucky. “All that’s to do now is implant the movement system in your neck and replace that old arm with this new one!”

“That’s awesome, can we do that now?” Bucky said, to Tony’s surprise. 

“If you’re cool with that? I got the station all set up and got some medical stuff to make sure I don’t hurt you or damage you or anything, and I researched, even talked to my friend Bruce who’s really good with body stuff, so I think I’m good to go if you are?” He was rambling a bit, the nervousness peeking through the edges of his voice, terrified that something would go wrong.

“Yeah for sure, I honestly can’t wait to get rid of this thing.” Bucky gave a pained smile as he made his way to the table, lying down and watching as Tony brought a tray of supplies over. “I heard you passed out at a party yesterday, by the way, you all good?”

“Ye-ah! All good, just having a good time and got carried away. Did Steve tell you that?” Tony replied, almost dropping the tray as he abruptly remembered what he had been aggressively ignoring.

“Yeah, he’s been acting a little weird recently though, do you know what’s up with him? Said he couldn’t come down here today, too busy with an art project, but it was odd.” 

Tony came to the conclusion then and there that Bucky was officially oblivious, and realized that although he could recognize Tony’s symptoms and hints when he got worse because they were so similar to his own, he probably couldn’t recognize how other human’s reacted to things like being made very uncomfortable by one of their friends confessing their affection to them. Which was exactly what this situation was.

“Yeah I have no idea, maybe he’s just stressed?” Tony replied, ignoring the look Bucky gave him like he knew he was lying.

“Yeah, maybe. Anyways, so what’s the process here?”

“So first I’m going to inject some anesthetic into your arm and neck so you won’t feel it when I insert things, and then I’m going to insert this little monitor into the top of your neck, which will monitor requests from your brain for your arm to move. Then I’m going to stitch that up, and then I’ll pull out this arm and insert the new one, and stitch that up and make sure everything is set to heal in place, okay?” Tony was happy to get off the topic and start on the surgery.

Bucky nodded, and they began, Tony working away at replacing things and being as delicate and careful as he could, and focusing on the task at hand, glad that things with him and Bucky were okay.


End file.
